When the One That Got Away Was a House
I was at a cocktail party recently, and a friend introduced me to a couple who had just bought a home. The moment the wife realized I was in real estate, she nearly broke down. She and her husband had just moved in into their new home, and she was deep in buyer’s remorse. But not the kind you might expect.
They had been searching for a home during a very competitive time in the market. They made offers, toured properties, and finally bought a house. But there was one home they saw during the process that stuck with her. She could not let it go. Her feelings for this other home were so strong, it sounded like she had been dumped by an ex she was still in love with.
What made it even more difficult is that the home they bought is in the same neighborhood as the one they lost. Every time she passes that other house, she is reminded of the emotional connection she had to it. The house they lost ended up selling for$12,000 more than what they paid for their current home. She even said they would go pay that extra money to the new owners if they would sell it to them.
Her remorse was not about affordability or the condition of the home they purchased. It was entirely about the fear of missing out on what she believed was the perfect home. That kind of emotional attachment is real. I spent over an hour talking with her and her husband, helping them work through it.
The first thing I asked them to do was to go back to their original wish list. What were they hoping to find in a home? As we walked through that list together, it turned out that their new home checked about 80% of the boxes. The house they lost would have done about the same. But they never gave themselves the space to grieve the loss of the home they didn’t get before jumping into the one they bought. They brought those feelings with them and never gave their new home a fair shot.
The truth is, buying a home is emotional. Selling one is too. Moving is stressful. Putting all of that together creates a perfect storm of feelings. It is okay to feel unsettled. But like any relationship, healing takes time. I told her the same thing I would tell anyone in this situation. Build a bridge and get over it. That sounds harsh at first, but it is the best way to move forward.
The house they bought has good bones. It fits their needs. And over time, with a few small improvements and more memories made inside its walls, it will begin to feel like home. I also reminded them that no home is forever. The whole idea of a forever house is a myth. Life changes, needs change, and one day they might decide to move again. That’s okay too.
For now, I encouraged them to settle in, take a breath, and give this home a real chance. Once the boxes are unpacked, the pictures are hung, and the space begins to reflect their lives, I think they will feel differently. Sometimes it is not about the house you lose. It is about learning to love the one you chose.
If you’re experiencing buyer’s remorse, know that you are not alone. It is more common than you think, especially in competitive markets where emotions run high. The most important thing is to give yourself grace, take the time to settle in, and remind yourself why you made the move in the first place. And if you’re still feeling uncertain, reach out. I am always here to help talk it through or connect you with someone who can guide you in your local market. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective to fall in love with your home again.
